Life Updates, Imposter syndrome and Everything in between!
Hi! It’s been a while since I posted my last blog, and I was overwhelmed by getting some emails regarding my post due to my current career dilemma. I started writing on this platform in June of 2021 as an academic diary and maybe a stepping stone of my science educator pursuits, but the more I shared my thoughts and experiences, the more I gained confidence and dopamine and wrote more, and now I have 175 followers?!
A safe guess is that around 175 people at some point showed interest and followed me and are reading this, too. And no words can express how happy this makes me. I have always loved discussing ideas and debates and enjoying the unknown. It fascinates me. This blog has been my channel for reading and writing new things and my favourite comfort place to express myself. For the last few months, I have been settling into a cycle of self-doubt and imposter syndrome.
I constantly questioned my abilities and whether I truly loved reading astronomy or if it was just my mind playing tricks on me. From when I was young, a 7th standard, I knew I wanted a Ph.D. in astronomy.
With every rejection piling on my email box, I should deviate and work in the industry and try again. However, the industry demands a fresher with at least one year of work experience. Someone like me was blown part, who had always been the academic girl with glasses. I am jobless and completely lost in life. I felt inadequate and unsure if I made the right choices in my career path. I understand how challenging it can be to face imposter syndrome and uncertainties in career choices. It can be incredibly demanding and overwhelming.
This year also came with severe anxiety as I saw my father being hospitalized for an accident. Sometimes it sounds even weird to my ears but I’ve seen my parents so strong and baba never going and spending more than 2hrs in hospital. Seeing that tough man, all frail with saline broke parts of me. I met with a few more medical ailments myself rethinking my life choices if I can ever do what I dream of?
In the last month, I have written almost 15 medium blog drafts but have hesitated to publish any of them. I just was not content with what I wrote and ended up having a mental breakdown. I have been trying to work on Computational and Data-driven Astrophysics, but sometimes I feel like I’m not skilled enough and that my work is not up to par. I have project experience in image compression and have read quite a lot about satellites, solar physics, and cosmology.
I tried looking for paid writing gigs, but even there, with my 5+ years of content writing experience (not a job), it seemed insufficient to meet the demands and expectations of potential employers. So basically, I am now jobless, penniless, with maybe no prospect of a PhD, and struggling with self-doubt and imposter syndrome in my chosen career path. So, if you’re going through the same thing, I am not in the same boat.
I wanted to keep it short and crisp. Let’s connect! Already sharing this post feels lighter. However, I am thinking of various application updates and can share courses I am doing only if they interest you all. Please feel free with me, and would love your comments!!
